There's both a sense of relief and satisfaction after driving for an ungodly amount of time and finally reaching home, non-gas station coffee, and a bed. The story goes i hadn't slept on Thursday night, on wednesday night i had gotten a little less than four hours, and on friday i left at 5AM to gallivant around the state of Arkansas in search of storage building and the furniture that lays behind the metal sliding doors. After laying in bed for 4 hours in a desperate attempt to sleep, my alarm clock goes off and i get up, wake mom up, shower, grad my messenger bag and water, then walk into the car slightly worried about my lack of sleep and how late i was going to be driving.

When you're running on no sleep, you mind is both clearer and foggier. The regular thought pattern that you grow routine to does not apply anymore. much like being plastered, only slightly more controlled and safer to operate on. the social barrier we often times have up, not only to others, but to ourselves seems to vanish for the most part. the things we do not think about, either from guilt or an lack of thought or noticing seem to come up. It also helps that on these god forsaken drives there is seldom a car on the road at five in the morning, there is little distraction besides the constantly moving white stripes on the middle of the interstate.

More cars begin to appear as the day wains on. thoughts about how each car you pass, each person in there has a story unique to the person next to him, to me, and to you. One of the things i've been working on for the past year is figuring out my role as a chirstian in the church, in the body of christ, and in the world; not for the sake of an identity, but for the sake of my God given responsibility. thoughts about the great commission, has that person heard the gospel, not just heard it, but in language he can understand. i heard much of southern babtist bluntness of believe in christ now! now i have respect for that and i can see truth in that style of ministry, but i never started to understand the nature of the gospel until i started reading C.S. lewis, until i started to break down in every possible way and was forced to look. Language is not just english, it is a style of thought.

there was a town called Toad Suck. there was also a Toad Suck monster truck convention.

Other thoughts about where have i been? Families and kids i used to be involved with, i seem to have vanished from their lives. families where i was taken aside and thanked for being the only male figure in the kids life that they looked up to. watching the oldest one feel depressed, guilty, and inadequate, since he is the oldest male around and he feels like he has to be the man of the family. seeing others say they still claim me as their brother and brag about me to their freinds, having a six year old grab my arm and say don't leave. then the realization that i had vanished from their life just like all the fathers and men in their life... where have i been? it's going to be my goal before i move out to spend more time with these families.

I go to lay in my bed after a week of rest, work, and thought. there's a sense of satisfaction in thinking you have earned the right to sleep, or have desieved yourself into thinking you've earned it. the thought that still plagues me is how to best fulfill the great commission in my life.

matthew 24: 14

"And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. "

a pastor commented on this verse saying:

" when you wake in the morning... jesus hasn't come yet. there are still people to be reach, there are still more to be called. go, go and preach the gospel."

Here is a list of laws that are currently on states law books and have not been revoked:

Alabama:

It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Alaska:

It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

A person may only carry a concealed slingshot if that person has received the appropriate license.

Arizona:

Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.

Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.

Arkansas:

A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

Laws specific to Little Rock:

No one may “suddenly start or stop their car at a McDonald’s.

It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

California:

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

Connecticut:

In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.

Florida:

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

It is considered an offense to shower naked.

Hawaii:

Coins are not allowed to be placed in one’s ears.

Idaho:

Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

Illinois:

You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

The English language is not to be spoken.

Indiana:

The value of Pi is 3.

A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.

Iowa:

A man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public.

One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kansas:

If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

Kentucky:

One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.

Louisiana:

Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.

Maine:

shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

maryland:

It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies.

Massachusetts:

At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.

goatees are illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.

Quakers and witches are banned.

Minnesota:

A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

It is illegal to sleep naked.

Citizens may not enter Wisconsin

with a chicken on their head.

Part two will come later.

I think we often confuse what progress is as a Christian. There isn’t anyway to chart, as we would like, how ‘far’ we are as a Christian. We tend to love black and white lines, charts, graphs, anything that can make us feel good about ourselves. We’re not made holy by what we do or don’t do; that puts redemption on our own shoulders. I think we look to ourselves saying: “if only I had self control to not do this or that.” While self control has its place, I think we need to look at our root desires and how they have changed. I can control myself all the days I damn and make myself look like a saint, but my desires and heart are corrupt and hateful.


Christianity is not about our image. God works through broken people like me, like you. It’s not an issue of perfect self control, rather our root desires changing and our habits conforming to our new desires. Redemption is an ongoing process that never ends. Our sin never ends in this life as we can never be perfect in a sinful world in sinful bodies. Our self control doesn’t make us holy, rather the passive righteousness given to us by Christ does.
mmmmm…