Funny how it never works the same way twice.

it is an interesting thing when you finally reach a point that you have been looking forward to for some time. i dunno, right now it probably has not hit me, but it seems a little less real. i've been living on a high for the past few weeks. more than anything i am anticipating the crash from the high. everything always seems less real when i'm in a spiritual rut. i have been in a spiritual rut for awhile now and i've realized it for the past week more than anything. you start to dread time alone or time without distractions. when it is quiet, your thoughts always wander and begin to self examine.

i am anticipating the crash. i am looking forward to it now that i realize it is coming. i pray the breakdown comes before campers come. the thought keeps on occurring that maybe campers are what will break me.