to start, it is damn cold outside. i went for a walk to think for a bit and the walk lasted all of five minutes. there is so much to think, so much to put into relationships. the strangest thing of all is where is caring too much and where is attempting to control. when you think about it, where is the line of controlling someones life and still loving them, since there are times where you are going to drag someone out of what they're doing regardless of what they say. Also, just for consistencies sake, there is a landload of people that you and i know who put themselves in awful situations constantly, but we will drag them out of those situations.

I think, people being in relationship with you is, in a way, submitting themselves to you. let me explain, people being in close relationship with you not only makes your heart go out to them, but also makes you act on their behalf, since you cannot function well in close friendships with someone who constantly tears you down by destroying themselves, and if you are in close relationship with someone you are going to care about the decisions they make and how they affect themselves by their choices. i think though, we put ourselves in control too often. i know i do. something i have been struggling with is how do i love people that are wrecking themselves. People in general take the all or nothing approach. we go all out and try to change the people or we cut them out until they change. If you control them you make them bitter, if you leave you take away their support system. Neither option is one i like.

I realized though, we can't change people. fortunately, that isn't in our control, it is God's spirit that changes people. this doesn't mean give up either, i dunno how much of the bible talks about seeking people out and being active. I think the most selfless type of love is one where you aren't controlling a person and you are there to love them and help them whenever they need help. The reason why is because you are not gaining anything. If you aren't gaining support from them emotionally or in other ways and you are still loving them, you really are loving them without gaining anything in return. The thing that is stranger is this: then why are we loving them? honestly, i have no idea other than there are people we have been a heart for that we cannot really explain in rational ways why we love them.

In the end though, all we can worry about is today, which doesn't do much of anything since being paranoid and all panic like makes us less able to actually DO anything.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

We have absolutely no idea what tomorrow brings. we're basically in a constant state of looking at a wall and never knowing what is on the other side until we walk through it every day. everyday we walk through one wall and see another. This a beautiful thing, since we're never sure what is on the next wall, but also so humbling, since we don't know what the hell is going to be written on the next wall. This applies to everything we worry about, but on relationships especially and how we deal with people. we can not control someone and we cannot really leave someone, but we do not really have a reason to, since we don't know what tomorrow will bring for them. in the present we know we have to love them through everything and whatever happens later, we will deal with it when that happens, but for now, i love them. if something happens where i can love them with more than just being there, i will, but until then i can't do anything else.

man, it is so nice to not be in control of the world.