It is 3:35 am where i am at. The night has crept up on me in a sort of timeless floating. It is an interesting state to be simply content and without any obligations. i'm growing fond of this.

I am growing fond of wandering, geographically that is. It is only a day after christmas and i have already had an interesting break. It has been one of those interesting breaks involving answers and still yet more questions. answers typically branch out two more questions, so, that is normal. in the past few weeks, more than anything, i am seeing more and more glimpses of what eternity is. mostly in that i am actually understanding on the emotional level what heaven is. The more and more bound i am becoming in eternity, since i am completely bound, i am more and more free right now. Not just in a sense where i am experiencing a sense of brief emotional freedom, that is included, but so much more.

You know when you are a kid and you eventually realized you can play outside the fence, see the woods, conquered the hoards that roam the woods as a knight, build massive kingdoms, and conquer even more? From that moment on, you only want to jump the fence and go onto build, conquer, rescue, and fight. The mental change i have been having is somewhat along that lines. I really have no desire to start a career, buy the house, raise the suburban family. I have no doubt i could, since i have done stranger things. The day you realize you are bound up in a perfect eternity, God loves you, and God is sovereign you have so much freedom to pursue what you want to do and not be bound up in the struggle for meager amounts of success that jive with the standard way of living.

There might be a reason why so many christians are crazy. think about how many missionaries give up everything just to tell someone something? What frees them to cut ties to everything to go just tell people a simple message? in the same light, i am not bound to a career job. why not have two, three, four, and even five in a lifetime? Mostly i just have an itch to travel, live, and enjoy other cultures and countries and i am realizing all the advice i heard all the years ago to find a job and settle into it is not terribly biblical. i am not advocating bad financial decisions, since i am finding ways to earn money with traveling. Think about this though, you have been given the freedom to pursue what you want to in a glorifying manner. I have started studying men who i look up to in the historical sense. G.K. chesterton, c.s. lewis, teddy rosevelt, churchill, and i am finding in both the intellectual and physical sense the things they pursued were often times considered odd by their peers and their response when questioned why they were doing what they were doing was, " why not?" i can't give a good answer other than intense freedom is an uncomfortable thing unless you are rooted in eternity.

it is now 4:04 am