I have a love hate relationship with holidays. It is a stab in heart in the sense that it is a constant reminder of what holidays were as a kid and a reminder still that i don't have a home, rather remnants of family. Don't get me wrong, what family i do have i love dearly and they take care of me, but as far as a home, i have none. I guess for what christmas is originally about, baby jesus and the redemption of humanity beginning, it reminds me of how much of a savior jesus is and just how much i need him. No lie, i struggle, i struggle like hell with holiday seasons. People return to their families and go back to their homes, i work to pay rent and if things where my parents live are pleasant enough i will make an appearance for a day. There is something so fundamental that God put in us about family. It is so strange that i grew up in a home that should have driven me away from jesus, but all it did was push my closer, that i should hate family, my father and mother, but i pray and beg for God to forgive them and pull them into his spirit so they don't have to live under the law any longer. family is one of the most intense desires in my heart that i pray for almost non-stop. there is little i hold higher, maybe sense i never had one or maybe because i just know what God intended for family to be. I don't really know why, but Jesus has made me all the more crazy about building a family someday.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak- isaiah 40:29