it is only when i think i have control that i really realize i have none. it is only when i think i have a niche that i realize how displaced and disorderly the world is. it is only when i think i am wise that i realize i am a fool.

these are such amazing things, since i am hopeless without the grace and redemption i am given, but it is such a wave of reality i never see when i realize just how far this goes.

the pain that watching eyes that do not see brings...

it is a strange thing when you sit down in the morning, regardless of the papers you are writing and the stress of trying to meet dead lines, you take a second and realize something. I have a very good life. my salvation does not depend on me at all. that is comfort.

that is a good life.

" i am reading your tests... but i have to watch some football, baseball, you know, priorities. i am being impressed while reading them. sometimes favorably."- dr.busbee

Notice how when we have no commitment to a bigger ideal, the little things matter? That is because there is nothing left when you reach that point. We are designed to be committed to ideas, without that, the fiber of our being and thought unravels.

I think we focus on the wrong thing in relationships. We focus so much on what we are to do, how to pursue, how to have a date, what to do what to do? These are good questions and good things, but I think they are bad because we miss an entire question that begs an answer; what is a relationship? Like our view of ourselves, it all flows from who we are. What we do flows from who we are. In the same light, I think relationships and what we do in them flows from what a relationship is. You cannot know why we do something or why our actions follow a certien way unless we understand what we are. In the same light, how can we know what to do in a relationship if we have no understanding of what it even is? Until we have at least a glimpse of what a relationship is, we will never know what to do or how to act. You can never know how to act until you understand what it is you are acting on.

When the mummers die
and all is quiet
we find our silence
and see where our skeletons lie.