last night someone was asking me about spiritual warfare. given, i have seen a lot of things, talk to a lot of things, and i ended up asking to not talk about it. this was really odd, since normally anything that attests to the spiritual world and the reality of spiritual war fare i will talk about it without hesitation. i didn't feel led to talk about it with a few of the people around i was praying and just felt led not to talk and to let them no now was not the time. recently my concept and how i look at the entire nature of spiritual warfare. So, everything that is done is meant to attest to the glory of God in someway. when i have seen a lot of horrifying things and i realized i focused on the power of spiritual opposition and left it there.
i was reading through john 16 and one of the things that stood out the most was when jesus thanks his father for the power he gave him in his name. The most incredible thing is that we jesus's name and we are his brother. In revolation it talks about how every knee will bow to jesus and every mouth confess the power of his name. In the end, everything, except us. when things happen in spiritual war fare, even the opposition against jesus's kingdom will confess that jesus is king and will obey what is said in jesus's name. the amazing thing is not that we get to see the spiritual powers and the things outside of our concepts happeneing, rather that all these things are true and the spiritual world, that we are afraid of, confesses jesus's name. the power of jesus name is what should amaze us, since everything confesses jesus's name and sees the reality of this. the odd thing is, every confesses jesus's name, but not us. we try to rationalize the reality of jesus away, but everything that opposes jesus the most confesses his name. just kind of interesting.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
12 “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. 13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. 14 He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will receive from me what he will make known to you.”
The Disciples’ Grief Will Turn to Joy
16 Jesus went on to say, “In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”
17 At this, some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father’?” 18 They kept asking, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.”
19 Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? 20 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
25 “Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. 26 In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. 27 No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. 28 I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”
29 Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. 30 Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.”
31 “Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. 32 “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16
this passage has been brought to my face over and over in the past few days. i have been having bouts of doubt. I realize that the anxiety i have been having from worrying about how to deal with and when to deal with situations around me were not so much that they were overwhelming, but coming from the assumption that i am in control. the issue with being in control, what goes wrong, you are to blame. the issue with my worrying is that i am clearly not in control, that burden has been lifted. Even more so than not being in control, whatever we are facing, jesus promised that he already went before us and prepared the way for us.
There is an extreme issue with being in control, since we are unable to make situations perfect, we are unable to know the outcome of acting, we are unable to know. simply put, we can only know what has past, unless we are told by someone who has seen the future, what will pass. i am realizing, there are many things that we are called to, but primarily we are called to seek out God through the spirit and do what is right and there is little else we can do. simply, jesus is jesus. there isn't much, there isn't anything, else we can do.
At first, this made my anxiety worse, since i am unable to fix people i love when there are severe issues going on, after stewing on this, it became the greatest comfort, really. the end result of everything is jesus is king and we are his brothers sharing kingship with Him. now, with that in mind, there is still grief, there is still a need to grieve, there is still a need to mourn. however this does change how you see everything. if i really believe that jesus will reign supreme and every knee will bow to him, why does my fear render me incapable with worrying?
in the end, i am realizing regardless of what happens in the next few weeks, it doesn't change my standing with God . he still pursues me, regardless of my pursuit of him. he is not dependent on me. i am not in control of my relationship with god, really. in some ways i am, but in the end, he wanted me and pursued me without actually waiting on me for anything. he pulled me into himself and bound me to him. his love is no less aggressive now than it was then. that is comfort.
something kind of interesting i was just realizing, and here is a little context, i am at the point of emotionally snapping and loosing my ability to function for a bit, and one of the thoughts consistently crossing my mind is that i am hanging on by a thread about to fall. This is an ironic picture considering what i just talked about. I don't have to hold onto that thread, since there isn't anywhere to fall. HA! well, i do feel better after realizing that. The beauty of the gospel and what it does for men, it is fine, actually, it is encouraged, to allow yourself to face your emotions and reality and SNAP from it. Since in the end, living in honesty and living in touch with who jesus is only manafests jesus's glory all the more. Us hiding our sin, our guilt, and everything is simply us hiding Jesus's glory. If he bore all our sins, all our guilt, then we are not supposed to hide it. it isn't ours anymore to hide. Us hiding our struggles is us hiding how much of a conquerer Jesus is. He conquered what we can barely conceive in our minds and creating a kingdom we can barely see the plane it exists on.
The Disciples’ Grief Will Turn to Joy
16 Jesus went on to say, “In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me.”
17 At this, some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father’?” 18 They kept asking, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.”
19 Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? 20 Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
25 “Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. 26 In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. 27 No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. 28 I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”
29 Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. 30 Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.”
31 “Do you now believe?” Jesus replied. 32 “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.
33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16
this passage has been brought to my face over and over in the past few days. i have been having bouts of doubt. I realize that the anxiety i have been having from worrying about how to deal with and when to deal with situations around me were not so much that they were overwhelming, but coming from the assumption that i am in control. the issue with being in control, what goes wrong, you are to blame. the issue with my worrying is that i am clearly not in control, that burden has been lifted. Even more so than not being in control, whatever we are facing, jesus promised that he already went before us and prepared the way for us.
There is an extreme issue with being in control, since we are unable to make situations perfect, we are unable to know the outcome of acting, we are unable to know. simply put, we can only know what has past, unless we are told by someone who has seen the future, what will pass. i am realizing, there are many things that we are called to, but primarily we are called to seek out God through the spirit and do what is right and there is little else we can do. simply, jesus is jesus. there isn't much, there isn't anything, else we can do.
At first, this made my anxiety worse, since i am unable to fix people i love when there are severe issues going on, after stewing on this, it became the greatest comfort, really. the end result of everything is jesus is king and we are his brothers sharing kingship with Him. now, with that in mind, there is still grief, there is still a need to grieve, there is still a need to mourn. however this does change how you see everything. if i really believe that jesus will reign supreme and every knee will bow to him, why does my fear render me incapable with worrying?
in the end, i am realizing regardless of what happens in the next few weeks, it doesn't change my standing with God . he still pursues me, regardless of my pursuit of him. he is not dependent on me. i am not in control of my relationship with god, really. in some ways i am, but in the end, he wanted me and pursued me without actually waiting on me for anything. he pulled me into himself and bound me to him. his love is no less aggressive now than it was then. that is comfort.
something kind of interesting i was just realizing, and here is a little context, i am at the point of emotionally snapping and loosing my ability to function for a bit, and one of the thoughts consistently crossing my mind is that i am hanging on by a thread about to fall. This is an ironic picture considering what i just talked about. I don't have to hold onto that thread, since there isn't anywhere to fall. HA! well, i do feel better after realizing that. The beauty of the gospel and what it does for men, it is fine, actually, it is encouraged, to allow yourself to face your emotions and reality and SNAP from it. Since in the end, living in honesty and living in touch with who jesus is only manafests jesus's glory all the more. Us hiding our sin, our guilt, and everything is simply us hiding Jesus's glory. If he bore all our sins, all our guilt, then we are not supposed to hide it. it isn't ours anymore to hide. Us hiding our struggles is us hiding how much of a conquerer Jesus is. He conquered what we can barely conceive in our minds and creating a kingdom we can barely see the plane it exists on.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
to clarify for me readers, i am single now.
so, the interesting thing about chrisitanity is it makes us completely free. the reasons why this is interesting is that we are completely free, yet almost universally when we embrace the freedom, bind ourselves. Christianity moves us to bind oursevles to weakest, the neediest, and the poorest. The reason why this is interesting is we are free to pursue, by our standards, what is the greatest and most profitable. The nature of the kingdom is upside down and reserve of what our standards are. We, gladly and rightly, use our freedom to deny what we are told is most pleasurable and most profitable.
I believe the nature of the kingdom is meant to be upside down, though. we are meant to pursue all these seemingly odd things. i believe we are meant to, since this is how we found our freedom, actually this is how our freedom found us. The nature of our salvation is so backwards, since the strongest loved us, binded us, to Himself. We have freedom, if there ever was a free spirit, it was paul the apostle. He traveled everywhere never even carrying what people thought, rather he just did what he knew was right and disregarded everything else. Where this is logically confusing is that he had a concept of right and wrong, but was completely free and chose to bind himself to the nature of a good God who uses his own freedom, as God, to bind himself to us.
I am free, i am free to masturbate, be drunk, and never deal with my struggles. However, even though i am completely free i have no desires to do this, even though i know it would be somewhat blissful and fullfilling right now. i think the nature of santification is the bringing of heaven into us in someway. Since i know there is going to be even higher pleasure in heaven than we have now or can understand now. I know the things i crave to pursue, for pleasure now, are not focused on what actually matters in an eternal perspective. any person who has just examined what we want to pursue has seen the futility of everything we pursue. it ends and so do we. so what is the point?
the beauty of being free, but bound eternally, is this frees us to enjoy everything we do. the simple act of working now has eternal weight in what it is. If there is an eternity then we have some purpose in what is going on now, since it does not end simply with the act of having sex, doing drugs, running from what hurts. it does not end there anymore. the freedom we have is fullfilled in being bound to eternity. The upside down kingdom frees us by binding us. True love is not free, it is bound. the more it loves, the more it binds us, freely. you are free to leave your wife and she is free to leave you in society, but the more she loves you, the more she is bound to you. Jesus is free to leave us, but he binds himself to us and the more we love him, the more we are bound to him. love is not blind, it is bound.
so, the interesting thing about chrisitanity is it makes us completely free. the reasons why this is interesting is that we are completely free, yet almost universally when we embrace the freedom, bind ourselves. Christianity moves us to bind oursevles to weakest, the neediest, and the poorest. The reason why this is interesting is we are free to pursue, by our standards, what is the greatest and most profitable. The nature of the kingdom is upside down and reserve of what our standards are. We, gladly and rightly, use our freedom to deny what we are told is most pleasurable and most profitable.
I believe the nature of the kingdom is meant to be upside down, though. we are meant to pursue all these seemingly odd things. i believe we are meant to, since this is how we found our freedom, actually this is how our freedom found us. The nature of our salvation is so backwards, since the strongest loved us, binded us, to Himself. We have freedom, if there ever was a free spirit, it was paul the apostle. He traveled everywhere never even carrying what people thought, rather he just did what he knew was right and disregarded everything else. Where this is logically confusing is that he had a concept of right and wrong, but was completely free and chose to bind himself to the nature of a good God who uses his own freedom, as God, to bind himself to us.
I am free, i am free to masturbate, be drunk, and never deal with my struggles. However, even though i am completely free i have no desires to do this, even though i know it would be somewhat blissful and fullfilling right now. i think the nature of santification is the bringing of heaven into us in someway. Since i know there is going to be even higher pleasure in heaven than we have now or can understand now. I know the things i crave to pursue, for pleasure now, are not focused on what actually matters in an eternal perspective. any person who has just examined what we want to pursue has seen the futility of everything we pursue. it ends and so do we. so what is the point?
the beauty of being free, but bound eternally, is this frees us to enjoy everything we do. the simple act of working now has eternal weight in what it is. If there is an eternity then we have some purpose in what is going on now, since it does not end simply with the act of having sex, doing drugs, running from what hurts. it does not end there anymore. the freedom we have is fullfilled in being bound to eternity. The upside down kingdom frees us by binding us. True love is not free, it is bound. the more it loves, the more it binds us, freely. you are free to leave your wife and she is free to leave you in society, but the more she loves you, the more she is bound to you. Jesus is free to leave us, but he binds himself to us and the more we love him, the more we are bound to him. love is not blind, it is bound.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I am halfway through the semester now. This semester has been a trip for me, since like most years, this year is completely different than the last one. As i get older, each year, there is more i am required to do in order to responsibly exist while in pursuit of something else. To update you on my life, i should probably list out what i am pursuing: Finishing up my degree, a recently started, as in 7 week ago, relationship, and looking into how to start a career in full time vocational ministry. Now, to explain how all this has been going and where it has carried me.
To start, my degree. I will be finishing up, hopefully, in august with my B.S. in Psychology. I graduated early from highschool and am graduating early from college. The issue i am running into over and over again is my age. most of the positions i would be able to go into with my B.S. are research based and that is the opposite end of what i want to go into. Straight out of college it is looking like i will be going to get my license as a child life specialist. Basically that allows me to work with children, particularly in hospitals, counseling, guiding, and simply listening and brokering their needs out. the starting salary is upwards of 30,000 a year. not bad for a 20 something guy with an undergrad. considering i make my way on 400 a month, this is a nice upgrade. Honestly, i do not give a damn about the money, but this makes me more capable to give, provide, and build community. i do believe that there are people called to make money so they can provide for Jesus's body, the church. Everything takes money and for one person to actually get into ministry, there is a multitude of people who need to support the one guy crazy enough to actually take on the role of pushing people to jesus and attacking anything that is driving God's children away from Jesus.
Next, the relationship. I am dating a fantastic girl named Ellen. I started of by writing her and now i am dating her. She give me grace and as much as she knows how, she takes care of me. Me being stubborn, as you know, red, i am not easy to take care of at times. well, all the time. Relationships take everything you believe and hold up a mirror to your face and screams, " do you really believe this is true?" The simple questions the gospel presents like: " who is jesus, what is grace, are you forgiven, ect" are all mirrored in relationships. I struggle with accepting grace, since i have been the worst of people. yet God has called me to serve. telling ellen i had been the worst of the worst was one of the things that stirred my insecurities and let them run rampant. However, that is one of the questions that i had to answer through confronting my disbelief and lack of application in the trueness of the gospel. I mean, ask yourself the question, " who am i to jesus. who does jesus say i am?" after answering that, tell me it does not change how you will act and treat your other in whatever relationship you are in. i do not believe you can say the answer you present does not change how you are in relationships.
finally, i finally stopped fighting God in the area of ministering. God finally broke me will and i agreed to go into full time ministry. i swore, from the time i was a small child, i would never minister full time. I swore i would not and fought for that. in the end, i realized everything i pursue passionately is serving people, preaching, and just telling the simple truths of the gospel, which can be summed up in screwing yourself and living for a much more beautiful reality that is given to us. everything else is so utterly meaningless and i loose interest quickly. Even in counseling, you are bound by a code of non-religious ethics and regulations your have to consider out the wazoo. I am not very good at living inside boundries. The physical manifestation of being given the world comes out in my climbing everything, jumping off of anything jumpable, and making the world my playground. The more emotional and relational side comes out in there is very little i think and will not say. Mostly, everything goes back to a spiritual root and mending the broken relationship between us and our father. That is a relationship that heals us as it is mending. A good pastor will guide you in accepting the absolute power of jesus and guide you to faith in the love of your father. that is true healing, since it stops you from focusing on yourself and points you to love someone else. ( insert tangent)
I have been confronted with my sin. In the sense of i am being forced to no longer look or live in my sin, mostly past, any longer. Look at your sin to be moved to repentance, but gazed, long, and strive to walk in and look at the face of jesus and forget your sin. He ripped your burden off your own shoulders and placed it on His body. Guilt is gazing at your old wounds and mourning, joy is looking at the shoulders of Christ and seeing how he carried your sin to its completion and has placed you as a son of the father, and a brother to the king. you are no longer guilty, you are now a justified brother to the king. you are now a son of the loving father.
Red, i posted this blog for you, since i haven't been able to write back yet. i want you to know how i am doing and it is regrettable i have not had time to write. i have barely had time to eat each day. you are my brother. so, there will be a time for me to write. do know, you are not forgotten, rather missed. dear brother, you are redeemed.
To start, my degree. I will be finishing up, hopefully, in august with my B.S. in Psychology. I graduated early from highschool and am graduating early from college. The issue i am running into over and over again is my age. most of the positions i would be able to go into with my B.S. are research based and that is the opposite end of what i want to go into. Straight out of college it is looking like i will be going to get my license as a child life specialist. Basically that allows me to work with children, particularly in hospitals, counseling, guiding, and simply listening and brokering their needs out. the starting salary is upwards of 30,000 a year. not bad for a 20 something guy with an undergrad. considering i make my way on 400 a month, this is a nice upgrade. Honestly, i do not give a damn about the money, but this makes me more capable to give, provide, and build community. i do believe that there are people called to make money so they can provide for Jesus's body, the church. Everything takes money and for one person to actually get into ministry, there is a multitude of people who need to support the one guy crazy enough to actually take on the role of pushing people to jesus and attacking anything that is driving God's children away from Jesus.
Next, the relationship. I am dating a fantastic girl named Ellen. I started of by writing her and now i am dating her. She give me grace and as much as she knows how, she takes care of me. Me being stubborn, as you know, red, i am not easy to take care of at times. well, all the time. Relationships take everything you believe and hold up a mirror to your face and screams, " do you really believe this is true?" The simple questions the gospel presents like: " who is jesus, what is grace, are you forgiven, ect" are all mirrored in relationships. I struggle with accepting grace, since i have been the worst of people. yet God has called me to serve. telling ellen i had been the worst of the worst was one of the things that stirred my insecurities and let them run rampant. However, that is one of the questions that i had to answer through confronting my disbelief and lack of application in the trueness of the gospel. I mean, ask yourself the question, " who am i to jesus. who does jesus say i am?" after answering that, tell me it does not change how you will act and treat your other in whatever relationship you are in. i do not believe you can say the answer you present does not change how you are in relationships.
finally, i finally stopped fighting God in the area of ministering. God finally broke me will and i agreed to go into full time ministry. i swore, from the time i was a small child, i would never minister full time. I swore i would not and fought for that. in the end, i realized everything i pursue passionately is serving people, preaching, and just telling the simple truths of the gospel, which can be summed up in screwing yourself and living for a much more beautiful reality that is given to us. everything else is so utterly meaningless and i loose interest quickly. Even in counseling, you are bound by a code of non-religious ethics and regulations your have to consider out the wazoo. I am not very good at living inside boundries. The physical manifestation of being given the world comes out in my climbing everything, jumping off of anything jumpable, and making the world my playground. The more emotional and relational side comes out in there is very little i think and will not say. Mostly, everything goes back to a spiritual root and mending the broken relationship between us and our father. That is a relationship that heals us as it is mending. A good pastor will guide you in accepting the absolute power of jesus and guide you to faith in the love of your father. that is true healing, since it stops you from focusing on yourself and points you to love someone else. ( insert tangent)
I have been confronted with my sin. In the sense of i am being forced to no longer look or live in my sin, mostly past, any longer. Look at your sin to be moved to repentance, but gazed, long, and strive to walk in and look at the face of jesus and forget your sin. He ripped your burden off your own shoulders and placed it on His body. Guilt is gazing at your old wounds and mourning, joy is looking at the shoulders of Christ and seeing how he carried your sin to its completion and has placed you as a son of the father, and a brother to the king. you are no longer guilty, you are now a justified brother to the king. you are now a son of the loving father.
Red, i posted this blog for you, since i haven't been able to write back yet. i want you to know how i am doing and it is regrettable i have not had time to write. i have barely had time to eat each day. you are my brother. so, there will be a time for me to write. do know, you are not forgotten, rather missed. dear brother, you are redeemed.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
There is a plea in my heart
it is screamed out in song
from every part
asking and crying, " how long"
how long, 'til i see your plan?
'til from this body i'm released
and before your throne i stand
to hear my father say,
" with you i am pleased"
There are days that i really struggle with depression. this is one of them. There is such an intense longing to know God better and just be with Him so i can see His throne, bask in his glory, praise Him, and know him. There is very little that seems worth anything when you are in a bought of depression, but the fascinating thing about Jesus is he constantly reminds me of how real life is, even in the midst of a depression. He reminds me of His grace, even in the darkest moments in my head, there is so much light i can still see. I have never had this type of hope in depression before.
Jesus grounds me in reality in my disconnects from reality in depression. Which is so amazing, since depression distorts everything you see to a point where everything has no weight and it is all completely meaningless. That doesn't happen anymore in my mind. God's grace and his love are so over powering. every scene and failure of this world really means nothing in comparison to the eternal weight of who God is and what His grace is.
I do long, i yearn to see my father.
it is screamed out in song
from every part
asking and crying, " how long"
how long, 'til i see your plan?
'til from this body i'm released
and before your throne i stand
to hear my father say,
" with you i am pleased"
There are days that i really struggle with depression. this is one of them. There is such an intense longing to know God better and just be with Him so i can see His throne, bask in his glory, praise Him, and know him. There is very little that seems worth anything when you are in a bought of depression, but the fascinating thing about Jesus is he constantly reminds me of how real life is, even in the midst of a depression. He reminds me of His grace, even in the darkest moments in my head, there is so much light i can still see. I have never had this type of hope in depression before.
Jesus grounds me in reality in my disconnects from reality in depression. Which is so amazing, since depression distorts everything you see to a point where everything has no weight and it is all completely meaningless. That doesn't happen anymore in my mind. God's grace and his love are so over powering. every scene and failure of this world really means nothing in comparison to the eternal weight of who God is and what His grace is.
I do long, i yearn to see my father.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
i am joining the group of nerds now. I am a huge fan of comics that make jokes about video games i grew up on. HA. well, I am enjoying it. Old video games and calvin and hobbes are some of the highest joys in my life. Mario was my father. so, i mean, what do you expect?
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
The concept of an ebenezer is one i love, since it is such an amazing testament of God's faithfulness. Basically when samuel made a stone pile and named it ebenezer using the rocks at a reminder of God's faithfulness, that is great to me. My tattoos are ebenezers, since they are constant reminders of how far God has carried me and they contain stories of God's faithfulness in them. I just want to take a little time and write about some of the oddity and how god has been faithful in my trip to PA. To start, the only reason i got to come up to PA was because my boss at the coffee shop i worked at fired me the day before i got asked to be a wilderness camp counselor on a mountain in PA. Which is funny, since i had been praying that God would open up a way for me to travel north, since i had never been north.
Another area, i have been asking god to open up doors to get a motorcycle. well, the model of motorcycle i wanted was on ebay, almost brand new, and the auction ended since it was a hundred dollars out of my price range. my roomies and i prayed that if we were meant to buy the motorcycle we would be able to buy it outside of Ebay for 1100 dollars. that is the exact amount the man offered the bike to us for when i emailed him.
When i finally got to the camp i was working at i was pretty apathetic and focused on myself, since i was ready to be home, start looking for a job for the school year, get back to my home church, and my community. I wanted all these things for my own comfort in spite of i was hired to be a guide to christ to these kids. I wasn't trying to dig into the kids, get to know them, mentor them, anything. In the end, that didn't matter since God worked through me even when i was trying to work. After two days kids issues starting flooding to the surface, fights, heart breaking home stories, and pleas for God's grace all were happening around us. Every single kid we had, all 18 highschoolers, either asked for better understanding of who God is and what he has done for us or accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. All the staff broke down at atleast one point and our issues were flooding to the surface again.
in the process of leaving the ranch to head to Sam's house to pack it up, which is six hours away, a tire blew out and it was a new tire. And another new tire had a defective sidewall and was rippling. So, after a day of looking for tires, since everything was closed on sunday, we found a mechanic who said we had to buy five tires from him and a rim to get anything. The day before a guy handed sam and i sixty dollars to help out with gas, well, the mechanic asked for sixty dollars for the tires. sam and i were changing the tires on the rims, which is an ordeal when you only know half of the process. After thirty minutes of struggling in the shop, randomly an old friend of sam walks in and he worked in a tire shop for a few years. He just decided to walk in the shop to see if anyone was in there, even though it was closed.
Sam and i have a twenty hour drive tomorrow to get back to mississippi and we have two vehicles, since we are bringing sams truck down to jackson. We looked into getting a car dolly and it was going to cost $260 to get the dolly. that is double the cost of gas in my car to drive down. we decided to go into the uhaul store and just see if they could work anything out. before going in i said the max i could pay would be $140, ten dollars more than my original cost in gas. We go into the store, explain to the guy we want to get a dolly, but financially it didn't make sense to get a dolly that cost more than our gas. the guy looks at us and says, " how does $140 sound?" sam and i nearly screamed, since now we can tag team drive and not have to stop for rest the whole way down to mississippi.
also, I got a call back from an online application i submitted to a coffee company in jackson. The owner just happened to want to schedule an interview with me the day after i get back to town, knows my roommate, and a good friend of mine from church is one of his managers. so, we will see what will happen with the job, but everything in the past few weeks has been orchestrated to force me to see God's hand in my life. There really isn't any way around it, i am not in control of my life, but someone who plans things a lot better than i can is and God really does have my best interests in mind, even though loosing my job, tires blowing, getting stranded, all those things did not seem like they were good and in reality weren't great to happen, but there is a bigger plan in mind. God is faithful, and here i raise my ebenezers with gratitude, since God is faithful. these are only some of the things that happened. there are more, but i am long winded in this. so, with this i end:
" it is for freedom that christ has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be yourselves be burdened again by a yolk of slavery" galatains 5:1
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