another day without a cigarette. sadly enough it is raining, which was my favorite smoking weather. however, i am going to go buy some pipe tabacco and hoping that'll satisfy cigarette craving.

5 The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters,
but one who has insight draws them out.
proverbs 20:5

something i have noticed in myself is that when i am allowing myself to be so busy i don't take time to reflect, i tend to forget who i am. not in the sens of i am sonny gunn, 5'11, 170 pounds,blonde hair, blue eyes. rather, everything that comes before you, you forget how to deal or cope with it in the ways that you know are right. decisions seem impossible, everything in uncertain even when it really is not that complicated, depression sets in, and i forget who God is.

honestly, i think it goes back to just remembering who god is, since in the end, i think it is against my nature to want to remember that, to want to admit how much i need him, but i know it is all true. i do need him desperately need him. when you're restless, alot of times i think it is less of being in a mood to move and get things done and more of a mood of being scared of what your thoughts and ideas are. If you aren't in a pattern, a routine, of being honest with yourself and god, your thoughts are a scary thing.

i think satan uses us not confronting things in order to build up small things into big monsters so we are never really sure what to do so we will live lives of fear, instead of the boldness we are called to. living in the present, living in what is actually true instead of dabbling in possibilities and in what is, is so much simpler, since none of actually know how possibilities are going to work out or even where our desires will be tomorrow.

today, i am tired, somewhat exausted really, ready for the semester to end and to leave jackson for a tad bit.