" whoah. these kids...they're naked and climbing the refrigerator" -mary palmer

17my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness[a] is;
18(Y) so I say, "My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the LORD."

19(Z) Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
(AA) the wormwood and(AB) the gall!
20My soul continually remembers it
(AC) and is bowed down within me.
21But this I call to mind,
and(AD) therefore I have hope:

22(AE) The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;[b]
his mercies never come to an end;
23they are new(AF) every morning;
(AG) great is your faithfulness.
24(AH) "The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
(AI) "therefore I will hope in him."

25The LORD is good to those who(AJ) wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
26(AK) It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
27(AL) It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke(AM) in his youth.
lamentations 3

so, i think this is kind of the guide book to how to mourn and grieve. There has been a lot of death around my friends, my church, and my community recently and it just seems like chaos so much of the time. then i remember, the world is cursed with sin and sin can't create, it only distorts, making chaos. there isn't much of anything we can do to fix that, but with christians, when they die, it still makes sense, because the curse was broken, jesus became our sin and broke death for us so death is actually coming to our true life, our true home, my true family.

A friend of mine hung himself last week. he was an atheist. it really just seems like chaos. he isn't praising jesus in heaven, he won't be in heaven with us, he is dead and separated from God. life is full of things that make us seem like we are chewing gravel, since it just doesn't make sense why there is gravel in our mouth and why we have to chew it. i mean, chewing gravel sucks. i haven't tried, but it is thoroughly disgusting sounding. and sadly, that is life as it seems.

there are a lot of things though we aren't called to understand. i am not called to understand everything, rather accept that God is sovereign. Since, well, he is and when you accept that in every area, it redefines your thinking. It doesn't always make the pain easier, you still mourn, but with a purpose, you still hurt, but there is reason. Jeremiah wrote that he calls to the front of his mind God's unfailing faithfulness and that is why he has hope. there is no way jeremiah could see why his whole country had to be ruined, oppressed, and scattered. However, that is how history had to go to lay the foundations for jesus to come and die.

Fortunately, i am not in control and i do not understand all ( or even most) things. Some how God was there, since he says he was, when tyler hung himself from a tree, somehow he was there when my churches worship leader was killed in a car crash. i dunno how, but in the end, God says he is working all things together to redeem the world. some how, in both small and large ways, these are pieces that jesus is using to put the world back together, slowly, but it is a piece or redemption and God's glory.